The triggers for the impulse to listen to music in the past seven days were: when making coffee, while biking, during video rendering breaks, and many moments of feeling sad, because the software had been uninstalled and there was nothing to listen to.
But instead of escaping into music, I could escape into books, movies, and podcasts, and I did just that. If music is a parachute, the latter three are the air cushions on the ground; I have become accustomed to having safety measures during the process of self-struggle.
On the seventh day, I downloaded the music software again. The reason is that my music consumption habits are not bad; music is not just a simple extension of hearing for me, I am someone who listens to music seriously. The only issue with consumption is—overconsumption.
During a week of withdrawal, I heard many of my own voices, and music no longer had anything to cover. In the process of communicating with the outside world, I found that the sounds in public places, especially music, are not as intolerable as I thought; on one hand, it is a reconciliation with the artistic nature that the music I value should have, and on the other hand, it is a reconciliation with music consumption.
The former is a requirement for others at the moment, while the latter is letting go of my own expectations. It is important to clarify that music is important to me, not a dependency. Without music, my ears would deteriorate; I think I am the type whose ears would deteriorate.
On a side note, I discovered that I am the type who thinks with my mouth. There are too many voices in my head, and the more I think about something, the more it diverges. Writing is not suitable for me; I can't help but modify, format, change words and sentences while writing, and then forget what I originally wanted to say—Markdown can't save me. But speaking is different; vague thoughts can flow more smoothly the more I speak, especially knowing that this will be recorded. This will be a confession, and during a confession, one does not want to hide anything.